For us, it was so gradual and so natural, I can't say when our mindset shifted, or who initiated the shift.
Friends with benefits rules
I don't think either of us were looking for a relationship — especially not with each other, considering how we first became acquainted. You never know unless you try.
I was the exact opposite. We were both going to be moving to new places in a few months, so we agreed to keep it casual and, ideally, free of feelings. And it worked!
Rule #1: a clean break must be possible (and know that it will end eventually).
I think FWB is tough because when you have an emotional connection with someone you're sleeping with, it can be difficult not to emotionally invest in them at least for me. I continued to see other people, though he was only hooking up with me. But if you're in a non-exclusive FWB arrangement and find yourself feeling jealous of your partner's other hookupsthat's a clear that you should end things.
Needless to say, a friends with benefits arrangement doesn't work for everyone. But it wasn't long until I was not just sleeping over his place, but hanging around the following day.
8 rules for making friends with benefits work
I brought the guy I was kind of seeing; my now-boyfriend was invited by another girl in my sorority. A few glasses of wine later we were making out on the couch. I have no regrets about any part of the relationship because our original friendship remained intact even when we experimented with the romantic possiblle we had. We were both having fun just living it up in college and partying with our friends.
We drunkenly made out, but went home with our respective dates.
During the convo, I realized I only wanted to be dating him, so we decided to make things official! Friends with benefits might be tricky to navigate, but don't be discouraged: it's absolutely possible for a FWB relationship to workror long as both partners are communicative, mature, and respectful.
We never labeled it "friends with benefits," but then again, we never labeled it anything at all! I then became part of her friend group, and thus started seeing him more often. We are still good friends and talk everyday. I spent Christmas in Mexico, so we talked some but not much since we were both in foreign countries.
Why friends with benefits are the most sustainable relationships
Being in a FWB relationship always has the potential to turn into a sticky situation, leaving one person with their feelings pssible. If you don't feel in control of your feelings re: your FWB, it might be best to cut the cord and find a relationship that better suits your needs. But in reality, disentangling the complicated web of emotions surrounding sexlove, and intimacy is not an easy task.
But we just couldn't stay away from each other I guess! He initiated it by asking me out to dinner. We dated for almost two years and even talked about marriage.
In the end the fear of commitment came back around, though, and we went our separate ways romantically. It started to shift in November, about three months in.
Look for private butt
I decided we either needed to start taking our relationship more seriously, or we needed to stop talking entirely so I could move on. Ultimately, the only way to know if your FWB isn't working for you is to honestly reflect on your feelings, and ask yourself if you're really happy and fulfilled, or merely complacent in your current situation. He was very fw to monogamy and anything serious when it came to his love life.
To him, I'm positive it was just a good friendship with some added benefits.
Now, our three-year anniversary is coming up in January. Love will catch you off guard when you least expect it! Although to be fair, I had met her through him.
And I think he really felt the same way, so that turned into a loking conversation that ended with us deciding to date long distance. It's totally normal to develop romantic feelings for someone after having sex, but if your FWB isn't on the samethat can lead to serious heartbreak.
We asked 20 women: do you think friends with benefits can work?
He came to me, and then I went to him, and at the end of that second visit, I gave him that ultimatum — either we really give our relationship a try and start dating long distance, or we needed to stop entirely so we could move on. But by then, even if we of to ignore or deny it, we had definitely developed feelings for each other. And FWB can be a great arrangement if you're both into it, but in my experience, dating your friend or best friend is even better.
When we got back, we instantly fell back into spending every day — and now night — together but we never had a conversation about what we were. We had a lot of close mutual friends.
Giphy We started "hooking up" at a time when it just didn't make sense for us to pursue anything serious. Pne Laken Howard Aug. I think I realized I liked him as an actual person and not just a guy to hit up when I was bored pretty early on, but I didn't know whether I should voice those feelings — or if I even wanted to; I was having fun being a single gal with my single gal pals!
But if you gwb the line into paranoia and find yourself checking up on them on social media or IRLthat might mean you're secretly unhappy with the non-exclusive status of your relationship.
It's also totally normal to feel intimidated by the idea of broaching the subject with someone you like, especially if you currently ond yourself in a friends with benefits situation and you want to turn it into something more serious.